So how’n fuck do you research an interview with the Creator? I went to the Catholic church around the corner (there seems to be one around every corner; just like a creepy guy in a trenchcoat) to try to get some ideas. They assumed I was batshit crazy and booted me out. Then I went to the Baptist church downtown. They assumed I was batshit crazy and wanted to baptize me.
Then I went to an AA meeting. Bingo. Those guys had some good questions for me, and were able to get past any skepticism they may have had. Good. At least I had a list of questions now. (They also gave me a card listing their meeting times – not sure why!)
Next thing, I needed a bible. I wasn’t sure if you could just walk into a book store and buy one. Turns out you can. I was now the proud owner of a King James bible. I bought one with the glittery gold cover – just because I could. If you have to buy a bible, you might as well buy one that looks like Elvis would have read it.
But fuck me gently, that’s a boring-ass book! I mean, there’s plenty of violence, a little sex, I even found a little implied incest. But none of that helped. Still boring as hell.
Okay. I think I’m ready for this.