12. Committees explained

I walked through the door with the name “O.M. Godd” on it. As usual, Jeff asked, “Do you get it? The name on the door?”

“Yeah, man, not your best work.”

“I’ll have a better one next time.”

I sat down on the rock and roll couch, with The Almighty across from me. He made himself comfortable and said, “So what would you like to talk about today?”

A little too reminiscent of my visits to my shrink, but I decided to just get started. “We need to talk about this whole committee and manager thing. Most of the religions would have us believe that you’re all powerful, and wouldn’t need any help.”

“Well of course I COULD do it all myself, but that would take up all my time – I mean, that’s a lot of shit to manage on my own – and I like to have as much fun as the next guy.”

“And how long ago did you make this decision?”

“Shit, sister, I don’t know. Y’all measure time based on how long it takes for your spherical home to travel around the sun. I don’t spend all my time here, so I can’t say for sure how long ago it was. Let’s just say it was approximately a wackload of years.”

“Is that a metric or an imperial wackload?”

The Lord gave me a toothy grin. “See now, THAT’S funny! Is it any wonder that I enjoy talking to you so much? By the way, thanks for letting me hang out at Pleasant Park the other day.”

“Um. No problem. So you decided to create committees.”

“Yes! Committees! What better way could there be to manage the complexities of the universe? It all started with the weather. Weather is just so complex: High pressure systems, low pressure systems, all those fucking winds blowing shit about. I could spend all my time just on the weather.

“So then I came up with the idea of delegation. I created a manager angel to take care of that for me. Do you want to guess who that was?”

“Not Lucifer.”

“Indeed it was! I haven’t created any quite like him since. Lucy excelled at every job he was assigned. A natural born manager if there ever was one. He did so well with the weather that I decided to promote him to Natural Vegetation. It WAS a bit of a mistake to move him on without training his replacement properly.”

“His replacement?”

“Dickinson, a good man, but he just didn’t have Lucy’s eye for detail. In his first week on the job, he forgot to turn off the taps. Boom! The Great Flood. I had to get Noah to build an ark to at least save my hard work in all the species of animals I had created. Lucy was pretty upset about his old department getting screwed up, and also having to recreate ALL the vegetation. Dickinson really ballsed that up.”