I got home and had a quick shower. I had a date that night.

Brenda and I hadn’t been separated long, but I felt the need to get right back on the horse. I wasn’t getting any younger, after all, and I was hoping to marry again some day – and was going to do it RIGHT this time. For some reason, an online dating site was my idea of “right”.

I arrived at the pub early. Seemed like a good time to get a couple glasses of wine down me – you know, to help me relax. I was just starting my third drink when she walked up to the table. “Paul?”

I looked up.

Damn.

Let’s talk frankly. I know that I’m in my forties, and I know that even among the other forty-somethings, I’m not necessarily the first pick of the litter. But I’m also not hideous, so I don’t think ALL physical standards should go out the window.

She did NOT look like her picture from the dating site. Yes, there were enough similarities that I knew she was the same person, but that had been an OLD picture.

But what are you gonna do?

We sat there for a couple hours and just shot the shit. I was beginning to think I could like her. However, I eventually realized that was because she reminded me a lot of Brenda – a LOT!

And there was no way I was putting myself through that again. After years of marriage to a princess, I really think I deserve a commoner.

She was just finishing off her tirade on how “There are really only five restaurants in this city I will even go to!” and my princess alarm was ringing loudly. I decided it was time for a mercy killing for this “relationship”.

“And now it’s time for the portion of the evening I refer to as the ‘baggage claim’.” So I told her about the following:

1. My epilepsy,
2. My ADHD,
3. My social anxiety,
4. My major depression,
5. My recent separation.

Her facial expression looked a little sicker with each piece of “baggage”.

Very shortly after that, the date ended.

And I never heard from her again. It can be nice to have a built-in escape pod. It would be much nicer if every word of it weren’t true.

My wine glass was empty. Should probably do something about that.