25. Excrement

“Wait just one cotton-picking minute. You mean to tell me that not only was Jesus not your son, the whole Immaculate Conception was just a bullshit story that a pregnant girl told her dad?”

“It makes sense, doesn’t it?”

I didn’t have to think about it for long before realizing it made at least as much sense as the way the bible was selling it. “Okay. But then what about all those bible stories about all the magical shit that Jesus used to do for people: Bread and fishes, faith-healing, raising from the dead, etcetera, etcetera?”

“The answer is quite simple, Paul. When you were a kid, did you ever play the Broken Telephone game? You know, where you stand in a long line and whisper a message from kid to kid along the line?”

“Yeah, and the message the last kid hears is nothing like what the first kid said.”

“EXACTLY!” The Lord of All slapped the arm of his couch. “Those bible stories weren’t actually written down until WAY later. For hundreds of years, they were passed verbally from one generation to the next.”

I saw his point. “So the whole thing could be…”

He finished the sentence for me. “Complete and utter excrement.”