50. Superhero

The name on the door: Al Mitée

When The Lord swung the door open, I had to ask it. “You’re running out of ideas, aren’t you?”

“Hell no! There are plenty more where that came from!”

“Oh good.”

Jehovah grinned from ear to ear. He may have a general idea how sarcasm works, but he sure is shit at recognizing it in others.

We sat down on our couches. “So let me see your new ink.”

I lifted my pant leg and turned my ankle toward him.

“COOL! Do the three eighth notes represent you and your two boys.”

I was ready for it this time. “Why yes, that’s exactly what it means.”

“That’s a great idea!”

Since there’s no hell, I guess I shouldn’t worry too much about lying to The Creator, should I? “So today I’d like to talk about your superhero.”

The Supreme Being looked puzzled. “I have a superhero?”

“Come on, Jeff. You know this: Book of Judges, strong dude, very hairy, had a weakness for untrustworthy women?”

“You’re not seriously asking me to remember some of the shit written in the bible, are you? I’ve told you that most of it is bullshit. Just fucking tell me.”

“Dude, Samson!”

Realization slowly dawned. “OH SHIT! I should have guessed. Never really thought of him as a superhero, but I guess he does fit the definition.”

“Hell yeah! Powers given to him by a deity (just like Captain Marvel). Had one secret that kept his powers working (just like Elongated Man). Had a hell of a temper (just like The Hulk). Dude was totally a superhero. Not that he every really did much with the power other than kill some Philistines who pissed him off.”

“Whoa now. I don’t know what your glittery Elvis bible says, but Samson did a hell of a lot more than that! Let me tell you about it.”