52. Merry Xmas

When I woke up, I had received a text from Jeff:

“4got to say Merry Xmas the other day. Have a gd time. My fave holiday.”

I had to respond to that.

Me: Dude, why would you give a shit about xmas?

Jeff: Nice time of yr. Folks hang w their fams and are nice to each other. Nothing to do w Jesus X.

Me: Do you have someone to spend the holiday with?

Jeff: Hanging w managers. Week-long staff party. Lucy started wearing a lampshade two days ago. Bacchus mixing drinks faster than we can drink them. You?

Me: Had time with my boys. Doing some work now.

Jeff: Well take it easy, but take it!

Yep, he’s a weird cat. But it’s cool that he’s quoting Woody Guthrie now. I just don’t think I could trust a god that lets popular radio dictate his musical tastes.

Decided I should touch base with my boys. First I texted Brad.

Me: My pee smells like metal shavings.

Brad: What the hell? Why does your pee smell like metal shavings?

Me: What am I, a frigging doctor?

Brad: Well why do you think it does?

Me: No idea. Maybe too much iron in my diet?

Brad: Ass.

Me: Don’t you ever try to play “Name that Smell” while you’re peeing?

Brad: Never.

Me: Freak.

Then I emailed Richie.

Me: My pee smells like metal shavings.

Richie: Dude! Are you serious? You may have gallium in your blood stream. Go to a doctor!

Me: Not serious. Sorry to alarm you. It actually smells more like the asparagus I had for lunch.

Richie: That’s okay.

I’m never sure what I’m going to get when I start these non sequiter conversations with them. Now what’n hell is gallium, and why does my ten-year-old know about it.

Anyhow, Jeff bless us everyone!