75. God hates…

“Before we finish up, I have one more question for you.”

The Almighty pointed at me with both index fingers in the gun position. “Shoot, baby”

I really feel as though I should tell him not to do that. Next time, maybe. “What about all these yahoos waving the ‘God hates fags!” signs? Is there any truth at all to that?”

“Hell no! If I hated any of the LGBTQ folk, why would I have created them that way?”

“Hang on please, while I write that out in capital letters: GOD CREATED THEM THAT WAY. So you, Jehovah Christ, The God Almighty, are confirming that Leviticus 18, or whatever it is, that says ‘Man shall not lie with man’ is horseshit?”

Yahweh nodded his head. “Horseshit of the highest degree, my friend. Diarrhetic, corn-fed, thirty-day old horseshit, left out in the sun in July. The horsiest and shittiest kind of horseshit. The kind of horseshit that makes other horseshit want to vomit. Do you think that will be clear enough for everybody?”

“Not even close, but hopefully it’ll help. Nicely descriptive, by the way.”

Jehovah grinned. “Thanks, I make an effort.”

“So you really did create people that way?”

“Absolutely! As I’ve said before, we like variety. I feel really badly about the way some of you heteros treat them, but they are beautiful people, I’m not going to stop just because of a few billion bigots. It’s the bigots who need to be changed!”

“And you can’t…”

He interrupted. “Free will, I told you! Free will is very important, but it unfortunately creates some real arseholes.”

“You got that right, sister.”