I was on a bus heading home. No seats were available. Shitty.
And then the worst event of my adult life happened. A school kid stood up.
It gets worse.
Then he said it. “Please take my seat, sir.”
Are you fucking shitting me? You’re supposed to offer a seat to old guys, not the ones in their forties!
I looked at the kid while trying to think of a good comeback. Then I looked at the seat. And here’s the worst part: My desire to smack this kid upside the head was overcome by my desire to sit down. I gave my most charming smile, said, “Thanks so much”, and sat my tired ass down.
I appreciated the seat, but still hated the kid.
This day marked the beginning of my eventual decline into senior citizenship. Only one thing left to do. I pulled out my phone and dialled.
“Jeff, it’s Paul. I need to drink some goat piss tonight. You free?”
“Sure! Where to?”
“Come to my place at 6:00, and I’ll make something utilitarian, as I tend to do.”
“Excellent! I’ll bring the goat piss. And Paul? You really shouldn’t steal seats from kids on the bus.”
Of course he knows about that. “God damn it! How’d you hear about that?”