I felt like shit. I always feel a little like shit when I wake up, but it’s especially bad after so much goat piss. My phone was ringing straight through my brain.
I picked up the phone and said what was supposed to be “Hello?”. It came out as more of a sickly moan.
The voice was loud and enthusiastic. “PAUL! Dude! How are you feeling this morning?”
At this moment, I wanted to kill the Almighty. “Please, Jeff, a little quieter. It’s early in the morning.”
He lowered his voice a little. “I’ve been up for hours, dude. You’re not really just waking up, are you?”
“I can see how that might be considered ridiculous, but I don’t even remember you leaving. I’m not sure how I got to bed.”
“Me neither. One minute you were sitting on your couch, telling me your tube slide story. The next you were passed out. I tried to wake you, but you were having none of it.”
Fuck. I made it into my bed somehow. Even managed to get my jeans off somehow.
Jeff was enthusiastic. “Did you find my surprise?”
I was suspicious. “What surprise would that be?”
“Never mind. You’ll know it when you see it. Bye!”
I was curious, so I wandered the apartment, searching for anything out of place. Nothing jumped out at me. I decided to take a shower. As I pulled back the curtain, I was hit by a blinding light!
Okay. That’s a bit of an exaggeration. My tub had been the bane of my existence since moving in here. I had left it for a few weeks without cleaning (okay, I’d never done it). Then it was going to be hard to clean, so I left it a little longer. And left it.
The end result, the whole tub had a grey tinge, with bits that looked like a car had peeled out in it. I knew I should do something about it, but I’m really not a bath kind of guy anyhow. Problem solved – for the most part. But now the fucker glistened. It looked better than it did when I moved in.
Now I know I’ve refused The Lord’s help in the past, but I had to admit that this was kind of nice. The tub was white, by way of some heavenly mojo. And that was pretty cool.