92. Divorce

“I’d like to discuss a topic that is near and dear to my heart these days.”

The Creator raised his hands in the air and closed his eyes. “Testify, brother!”

“You can cut that shit out.”

He grinned. “The televangelists look so sincere when they do it.”

I ignored that. “In one of the Books of Corinthians, it mentions that the only valid reason for divorce is if your spouse ‘unbelieves’. Setting aside the fact that such wordy bastards – they have TWO books in the bible – felt the need to make up a word, this seems a little suspect to me. Sounds like a way to protect an insecure religion. I couldn’t find any other references that allow for divorce.”

“Dude, do your research. Corinthians was written by one guy – actually by ANOTHER prophet named Paul.”

I had years of practice at being corrected. He wasn’t going to throw me off topic so easily. “So what is your opinion of divorce?”

The Lord thought for a moment. “Okay, here’s the thing. It makes me sad.”

“Sad? But not wrathful?”

He smiled. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to send a plague of locusts to your apartment.”

“Mighty nice of you, what with me being an ‘unbeliever’ and all. Why does it make you sad?”

“Well, don’t get me wrong. There are some people who are just in toxic relationships that they never should have been in. I applaud them for having the strength to leave a bad situation.”

He paused as I stood and took a bow. Then he continued. “Then there are the people who are with someone reasonable, but one or the other of them just isn’t trying. I mean, how sad is that? Marriage takes a lot of work, but one of them isn’t willing to do the work – so they end up divorced. That just makes me sad. It’s a lost opportunity at happiness.”

I considered what he said, and then replied as thoughtfully as I could. “Jeff … dude … what a pile of horseshit! A relationship takes work? Fuck that! How much work does it take to NOT be an arsehole? That should be in the vows: ‘I promise to love, honour, and not be an arsehole.’”

“So that’s what your minimum height is to allow someone on the ride? Not an arsehole? Sure, it’s easy to have a marriage that is just INOFFENSIVE, but how about having a FANTASTIC one? Wouldn’t that be nice?”

I relented a little. “Okay, so ‘not an arse’ may not quite be enough (although it sounds pretty good to some people at this point), but it really doesn’t take that much effort to do more. Honestly, how hard is it to make someone feel loved?”

God considered this. “You’re right. It really isn’t that hard. But for some people, it’s just more effort than they’re willing to put forth. And I guess you’re right: that makes them arseholes.”

I had to ask. “Wouldn’t it be nice if everyone just did as they were told? Do you ever reconsider the importance of giving humans free will?”

“At least once a day.”