101. Creepy

As I was packing up to go, I thought of something. “Dude. Have you done anything about the librarian of interest yet?”

The Almighty looked miserable. “I was hoping you wouldn’t ask.”

I sat back down. “Sounds like a story to me. Spill it, sister.”

He sighed. “I swear I’m not a stalker!”

“Ah yes! The winning opening line in ANY feel good tale.”

“I just thought that if I spent a little more time at the library, she would get to know me. You know, that way it wouldn’t be like a stranger asking her out.”

“Hmm. Initially a good plan, but I have a feeling it’s about to go bad.”

The Lord looked down at his hands in his lap. “So I went back every day to get a new book. I’m not a freak or nothing: I actually read each book. And I always asked her for help picking out the next book. It wasn’t long before I knew her work schedule. That way, I was able to make sure I was always there for her shift.”

“And there it is.”

“It seemed reasonable. I finally plucked up the courage, and said, ‘Hey, babe. How’d you like to go for coffee with The Supreme Being?’”

I waited for him to say that was a joke. And waited. “Please tell me you didn’t actually say that.”

“It wasn’t the winning line I had expected.”


He looked even more despondent. “She was very polite. She just smiled and said, ‘Sorry, dude. You are kind of creepy.’”

“Dude, that sucks. Now what have you learned from this?”

He lowered his head some more. “Don’t be creepy? Don’t say ‘babe’? Don’t hang around too much? Don’t try to come up with an impressive opening line?”

I put my hand on his shoulder. “A star pupil. Feel like joining me for some goat piss?”